It feels like change is nearly at every corner. One moment I'm staying at a friend's apartment in Oregon, and the next I'm in California attending a music collab camp. Then back again in a new home, but I have returned!
Exploring all these new ways of being is lots of fun and I'm excited to continue going. Yet, there's always lessons to be learned and that's what I'm discovering as well.
A few months ago, I finished another amazing book (current goal is to read 3 books/month) Single on Purpose by John Kim, he's a therapist who explores what it's like to embrace being single on purpose and what a change of pace it can be to bring happiness to ourselves first.
Dating is not fun. I repeat, not fun. Especially in this digitized world, which is why I prefer the old fashioned way. Spontaneously running into someone at an event or a restaurant. Then, seeing if you both vibe. It takes the pressure off because there's no expectation, you never have to see each other again after, and I prefer meeting face to face.
In dating, there aren't any clear rules. As much as I love spontaneity, structure is also important to me. After we connect, how much longer until it's okay to text you? Are phone calls to ask how your day is going too much? There's a cool restaurant I want to check out, would they want to meet for lunch?
Sometimes it gets overwhelming for me to overthink situations with someone I'm just getting to know. I take a couple breaths and walk myself through it. Rather than getting upset at my overwhelm, I stay curious and pay attention to what feelings come up for me.
For me, I realized I was avoiding sitting with my own uncomfortable feelings and looking to have someone as a distraction to keep from working on myself. I spent so much time working on other people's problems and mostly treating the symptoms of my discomfort rather than the discomfort itself. It starts with self-love.
Basically, learning this through John's book really hurt, but it was what I needed to hear at the time. Thanks John!
So, I’m giving it a shot by leaning in to learn about my own needs and wants.
Moral of the story: Not having a partner doesn't make us broken or incomplete. You come into this world as a whole person and nothing less. We're already complete, sometimes it just takes refresher course to remember. Learning is a life-long skill and growth is not a linear path either, so take your time. The more steps you take up the mountain, the better vantage point you have.